When I was a first year family therapist, I had the good fortune of working with a gentleman who was intent on healing from some debilitating issues getting in his way of living a healthy life. He was faithful to his appointments and clearly did the emotional work he needed to do with his family between sessions. What happened to me after several months of working with him surprised me.
I consulted with a supervisor at the time and lamented to her that I didn’t know what else to do with this man. Everything I suggested, every question I asked him came to a dead end. I was stumped. She wisely commented, “Maybe he has finished his work with you.”
Stunned, I replied, “Oh, it never dawned on me that someone actually finished their therapy! I guess that’s it!” Later he confirmed he’d finished his work for now.
I bring this up because the same surprise could be in store for us when we’re discerning a life choice. When we’ve spent adequate amounts of time in prayer, weighed our options with friends, family members and wise mentors, the thing that’s left is to decide, to choose one direction, one life path and try living it. It’s the only way to know whether or not this path is a “fit”.
Just as in a vegetable garden there comes time for the harvest. To neglect picking the vegetables is to let them die or fall to the ground. No one wants to eat them then. Let’s be alert for our time to harvest.
Enjoy the harvest in its time,
Discerning God’s call for our lives and understanding what we are meant to be and do with our lives can be compared to a balance scale. We weigh options appearing in our pathway, twisting them this way and that to see them from different angles. We pray for wisdom and ask our friends and family for advice, but ultimately we’re left to choose. However, we are not left alone to decide. The Spirit is there for us. God desires our happiness.
What makes this process challenging is we are weighing among good options. We want to choose what is right and don’t want to make a mistake. God really tips the scales in our favor! In a sense, the God-up-ahead-of-us draws us toward a match for our gifts, allowing a free and generous exercise of them throughout our lifetime.
When I mention these scales “tip” in favor, I’m thinking we cannot make a mistake. Really? Yes, really, because if what you choose doesn’t end up “fitting” you, possibilities for new choices will come around again, although not without pain. Our God is a faithful God who inspires and allures us until we are open to our deepest call, perhaps a call to risk. God is never, never outdone in abundance of support for us. Taking time to make wise choices can only benefit our lives.
Blessings as you weigh your options,
"If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together."
— African proverb
All of these Dominican Sisters (right) responded to God’s call to “go together” – wherever they are called to go. This August, they paused for a moment to deepen their relationships and to celebrate being together in mission. These are Dominican Sisters from the U.S., the Philippines, the Dominican Republic, Norway, and Iraq. They continued learning how essential their relationships are as vital ways to support the mission they are charged to fulfill.
As they left the gathering that weekend, many Sisters commented on the sense of recommitment they experienced together. Their collective strength will shape a world that is more compassionate and forgiving as they bring the good news of the Gospel of love. Re-entering situations around the world, they carry a heightened consciousness of the foundations of Dominican life: an experience of community, reflective study, quiet contemplation, and authentic preaching of the Word.
How fortunate are the people in those local communities who receive these Sisters’ renewed, creative energy of the Holy Spirit! How blessed the rest of us are to know their gifts are among us as we stretch to the farthest reaches of Earth.
Blessed are we among women,
Learn more about our Mission and Vision.
I deliberately used “opening” in the title because I believe we are actors creating our own life stories. As actors we have choices to make. We can choose to open the doors ahead of us or leave them closed and go on to the next one. But like the game show that had contestants taking a risk on opening the next door and the next and next, we are often surprised at what is on the other side of them.
Granted there are some doors that we don’t want to choose, but where God is involved, doors are openings to opportunities to let God into the depths of our hearts, into all their mess and muck, joy and sorrow, anger and elation, gratitude and angst. How could we not risk opening them! In fact, we are urged to open them.
And this is the secret too. God’s every-moment involvement with us invites us through doors that draw us into the Mystery of the call for our lives. When we are attuned, paying attention and listening for what draws us, we engage the inner conversation. Sometimes we name it “prayer.” At other times it’s called “discernment.” Whatever the name, we encounter within a chance to meet our deep yearnings for meaning and God’s tender love for each one of us.
God is never outdone in the abundance of grace we need for a particular choice before us – a metaphorical door, an opportunity, a choice, a risk. In the way God leads us, it’s worth the risk. Each door we come to invites our curiosity and questioning. Come and see!
May you open doors and see,
To open the door for a visit and see for yourself click here.
Last week I spoke with a friend on the phone as she was out in her garden plucking seeds from this summer’s dead flowers, just to get a head start on next spring’s planting season. She’s a seed-saver. I realize there are some professional seed-savers who not only save a diverse range of seeds, but also save them in protected storage areas where they will remain safe should our bio-diversity dwindle even more than it has already.
What I like about these seed-savers is their sense of hope in the future. They believe in life’s potential. Fruits and vegetables are natural seed-savers. Having a ready supply of seeds to begin a new season of growth seems to me the height of responsible living.
All this brings me to those special seeds of insight and awareness that we have collected as we live each day. Some people collect these “seeds” by writing them in a journal. Others speak with trusted friends about them. Still others have artistic skills and so they compose songs or poetry, paintings or sculptures that embody those precious seeds of knowing what they value in life. When we know what we value, what is important to us, we can more easily align our values with what God is calling us to do with our lives.
May you treasure all the seeds you save,
PS – to learn a more about how Adrian Dominican Sisters and Co-workers have worked with seeds for the future, visit our Permaculture website.
This past Sunday’s Gospel (Mark 7:31-37) lured me into thinking about being deaf to certain sounds, select voices and deeper versus higher-pitched tones. Granted the person Jesus met in the Gospel story was physically deaf, but many of us practice a kind of deafness in our everyday lives. Some people name it “selective hearing,” i.e. hearing certain things and being deaf to others.
Moms and dads apply selective hearing when they are tuned in to the slightest noises coming from a newborn baby sleeping in another room or when they catch the sound of coughing from a sick child during the night. Students often hear what they need to do to pass a test and don’t hear what to do for homework that night. In the busy-ness of everyday lives and with all the noise of the world around us, we almost have to have selective hearing in order to survive in it.
The same listening qualities that alert parents to possible danger for their children are true for our selective hearing when it comes to hearing God’s voice. You might rightly say, “God’s voice isn’t a human voice one would hear in a normal way.” That’s true. God’s “voice” makes a unique “sound,” an echo that resonates in our hearts, is heard by our inner ears, if you will. This is why our listening and paying close attention is so key. May we quiet ourselves enough today to hear God’s voice within us. May we allow its message to move us.
Blessings as we listen,
Most of us probably wouldn’t think about embarking on something important without any planning and, perhaps, talking with another person who had already done what we’re going to do.
If we needed to learn a complex computer program for a job and everything depended on us having details correct, we’d seek advice from others who know the program or from a supervisor or IT person.
The same is true when we’re embarking on a spiritual journey. If we seriously want to commit ourselves to learning how to listen to God, how to pray or how to understand Scripture better, we can seek out others who have gone on this journey before us.
The person could be a friend or might be a “spiritual director” or “spiritual companion.” These titles cover a select set of men and women who have studied how the spiritual life develops. They are aware of the stages of spiritual growth that can be expected and what it takes to commit oneself to this kind of an inner journey.
Their well-honed skills in listening can help us develop our own abilities to listen, while helping us grow in our relationship with God. When sensing a desire to deepen our spiritual life, finding a spiritual director can be invaluable. Most retreat centers have people who specialize in this service. Some parishes have them as well. It can be a key decision we make to nurture our spiritual growth.
Blessings on the journey,
The other day I began wondering where we get our creative ideas. I realized they come from everywhere when we’re open to noticing them. They come disguised in an off-hand comment, a favorite song, failed attempts at things that are important to us and from feeling unsatisfied or restless in our desire for more in life.
Because these creative nudges arrive in varied and unpredictable ways, it’s vital to stay alert for their presence. Nudges show up in our dreams and rambling thoughts. They can be sparked during an argument with friends or parents. Nudges provide precious insights and can launch valuable searching times in our lives.
Nudges can become as familiar as friends, because ultimately they can put us in touch with our best selves and persist as we deepen our relationship with ourselves and with God. Just as God can communicate with us through questions, God also offers nudges that get our attention and urge us to think about our lives. When we’re noticing, we don’t miss the chance to listen for what God has in mind for us!
Carolyn sat on a cushioned bench with both hands embracing a cup and stared blankly out the coffee shop window. A steady stream of people entered and left the shop as she continued quietly entertaining questions rambling around within her. She could see no clear answers, just silence that opened after each of them.
The questions began shadowing her after she attended a lecture during her five-year college reunion six weeks ago. It wasn’t the topic of the lecture that nagged at her, but the sense of purpose she noticed in the speaker. The woman was dynamic, but there was something else. She was passionate about the research she was doing and the people she had met during their interviews. Carolyn believed this professor was really making a difference in peoples’ lives. It made Carolyn wonder why she wasn’t feeling that way about her own career.
Her questions about her future had come fast and furiously since then: “What am I passionate about? What do I want to do that would make a difference in others’ lives? I do want to contribute to making this world better, but how can I do that?”
These and more now wandered inside her as the coffee shop first filled and then emptied most of the afternoon.
Questions of the kind Carolyn pondered can signal change that’s edging its way into our thoughts. Answering them for ourselves is vital to our happiness in life and our own sense of purpose. God’s call often comes through questioning.
Christine Valters Paintner, in her book The Soul’s Slow Ripening: 12 Celtic Practices for Seeking the Sacred, says, “Discernment is essentially a way of listening to our lives and the world around us and responding to the invitations that call us into deeper alignment with our soul’s deep desires and the desires God has for us.”*
With that description in mind, how do we enter that space of quiet where the “way of listening” she mentions is possible? Once we slow down and stop for awhile, our thoughts don’t necessarily stop with us. They keep going and we can count on multiple distractions invading that space! They might sound like: “I’ve got to get going.” “I can’t just sit here like this!” “I have things to do.” “This is a waste of time; nothing’s happening!”
Try sitting in a chair, feet on the floor, hands resting comfortably in your lap and begin breathing slowly, in and out. Count the breaths if that helps. Count them while focusing your attention on each breath until you begin to notice your breathing gradually slows more and more. This intentional quieting each day, even for ten minutes at a time, will begin to develop a pattern in our thoughts. We will start to notice something different is happening. Our thoughts will take their cue from our breathing and also slow down.
Thoughts will never be totally erased from our quiet time. But being intentional about taking time everyday to become familiar with this sacred space within will set the stage for our best and deepest listening to God’s voice within.
*Excerpted from The Soul’s Slow Ripening: 12 Celtic Practices for Seeking the Sacred by Christine Valters Paintner. Copyright 2018 by Ave Maria Press, P.O. Box 428, Notre Dame, IN 46556. Used with permission of the publisher.
Receive Updates for 'A Sister Reflects'
Sister Tarianne DeYonker, OP
Sister Mariane Fahlman, OP
Adrian Dominican Sisters
1257 East Siena Heights Drive
Adrian, Michigan 49221-1793
Visit the Adrian Vocations Team on Twitter @ASisterReflects
Get out your bell-bottoms and platform shoes, because DISCO is here!
Okay, so it's a little less dancing, a little more talking... Sisters Lorraine Réaume, OP, and Sara Fairbanks, OP, have a new video series called DISCO (Discernment Conversations): Dancing with the questions of life!