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We humans fret a lot about what God might want us to do with our lives, as if we’re in a powerful guessing game and we must get it right or else. There is no need to fret and no need to guess what God is thinking. When we pay attention to our deep desires, we discover the purpose of our lives. The challenge is to know ourselves well enough that we become aware of our deepest desires in life.
This is where prayer and quiet are invaluable. A wise guide, mentor, or spiritual director can help as well. God created us out of love so we can love. God’s desire for us is to be able to love in the best ways possible throughout our lives. Whether as a single person, or with a spouse through married life, or serving with others in a community in religious life, it doesn’t matter to God. Discernment helps us sort through our choices and find what fits best.
God desires our happiness and the fulfillment of our gifts, given for sharing in whatever community we choose. If you haven’t thought about how you desire to share God’s love with the world, I encourage you to investigate. Don’t assume you know. Ask yourself, “What is my deep desire?” Explore options for your life. Pay close attention. Talk with and listen to others. Don’t eliminate options too soon. Give yourself a chance to explore.
If you think you would benefit by a weekend of discernment, please consider the “Come and See” weekend in November 8-10 here in Adrian. You can register online.
The Sisters pray for your discernment,
El Emparejamiento de Deseos
Como humanas nos preocupamos mucho de lo que Dios quiere que hagamos con nuestras vidas, como si estuviéramos en un poderoso juego de adivinanzas y debemos hacerlo bien o ya veremos! No hay necesidad de preocuparse ni de adivinar lo que Dios está pensando. Cuando prestamos atención a nuestros deseos más profundos, descubrimos el propósito de nuestras vidas. El desafío es conocernos lo suficientemente bien como para que nos demos cuenta de nuestros profundos deseos en la vida.
Aquí es donde la oración y la solemnidad tienen mucho valor. Una guía sabia, mentora, o directora espiritual también nos puede ayudar. Dios nos creó por amor para que podamos amar. El deseo de Dios para nosotras es poder amar de la mejor manera posible a lo largo de nuestras vidas. Ya sea como una persona soltera o con un cónyuge a través de la vida matrimonial o sirviendo con otras en una comunidad en la vida religiosa, no le importa a Dios. El discernimiento nos ayuda a clasificar nuestras elecciones y encontrar lo que sea más adecuado.
Dios desea nuestra felicidad y el cumplimiento de nuestros dones, dados para compartir en cualquier comunidad que elijamos. Si no ha pensado en cómo desea compartir el amor de Dios con el mundo, la animo a investigar. No asuma que lo sabe. Pregúntese: "¿Cuál es mi deseo profundo?" Explore las opciones para su vida. Preste mucha atención. Hable y escuche a las demás. No elimine las opciones ligeramente. Dese la oportunidad de explorar.
Si cree que se beneficiaría con un fin de semana de discernimiento, considere el fin de semana “Come and See” en Noviembre 8-10 aquí en Adrian. Puede registrarse en línea.
Las hermanas rezan por su discernimiento,
“For I know well the plans I have in mind for you ... plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
When discerning what God’s call is for our lives, it’s reassuring to remember these words from Jeremiah. He was a prophet called by God to do what he (Jeremiah) thought impossible for him to do. In addition to his own self-doubt, Jeremiah also met stiff opposition from the people around him to the message God wanted him to deliver to the people. From Jeremiah’s doubt, he learned to trust that God can be counted on to follow through on the promises made to the Chosen People.
As discerners, we need to exercise the same trust in God! Our loving God has called us from our birth to live in alignment with the vision of love for all creation. The question is how best to do that!
In the book of Jeremiah, it seems he heard God speaking to him with a clear message for others (even though it scared him to think he was supposed to be God’s spokesman). If we allow ourselves the silence to listen for God’s voice, we too can hear God’s message for us. Spiritual directors and mentors sometimes hear what we can’t and see what we miss seeing. You have a choice today to seek out someone like this who can support your search. Why not take that step today?
Blessings as you search with one another in God’s love,
No Siempre Lo Que Esperamos
“Porque conozco bien los planes que tengo en mente para ti ... planes para tu bienestar y no para desgracia, para darte un futuro de esperanza."(Jeremías 29:11)
Mientras discernimos lo que el llamado de Dios es para nuestras vidas, sentimos aliento al recordar estas palabras de Jeremías. Fué un profeta llamado por Dios para hacer lo que él (Jeremías) pensó que era imposible hacer. Además de su duda propia, Jeremías también se encontró con una fuerte oposición al mensaje que Dios quería que transmitiera a la gente por las personas que lo rodeaban. Como resultado de su duda propia, Jeremías aprendió a confiar en que se puede contar con Dios para cumplir sus promesas hechas al Pueblo Escogido.
Como discernidoras, ¡debemos ejercer la misma confianza en Dios! Nuestro amoroso Dios nos ha llamado desde nuestro nacimiento a vivir alineadas con la visión del amor para toda la creación. ¡La pregunta es cómo hacer eso mejor!
En el libro de Jeremías, parece que escuchó a Dios hablarle con un mensaje claro para los demás (aunque le asustó pensar que se suponía que él era el portavoz de Dios). Si nos permitimos el silencio para escuchar la voz de Dios, nosotras también podremos escuchar el mensaje de Dios para nosotras. Las directores y mentores Espirituales a veces escuchan lo que no podemos y ven lo que se nos escapa. Hoy tiene la opción de buscar a alguien como estas que pueda apoyar su búsqueda. ¿Por qué no dar ese paso hoy?
Bendiciones mientras buscan los unos con los otros en el amor de Dios,
I read a tweet from Pope Francis in which he reminded young people (and all of us) that God loves them! He was strong in this reminder and wants every young person to remember this truth.
It’s easy, although painful sometimes, to forget how much we’re loved and accepted by God as we are and because of who we are. This doesn’t mean we’re perfect or that we don’t have to make changes in our lives. It does mean that even while we are imperfect, even as we long to know what God is asking of us, we are held closely in a loving embrace by the Author of Life, our loving God.
This truth is good to remember when we get lost in the confusion and questions of a discernment journey. We may feel like we are choosing between two goods or among several good options for our lives. That’s because we are! God’s love shows up in the abundance of choices before us.
However painful the striving to know or the struggle to choose the right path for our lives, it can help to know that all during the discernment, at every point in the process, God is loving us and encouraging us.
Once we choose and our decision is made, we have room to notice the peace of God is there with us! May you experience the powerful presence of this love as you discern your call.
Leí un tweet de Papá Francisco en el que les recordó a los jóvenes (y a todas nosotras) que Dios los ama. Enfatizó fuertemente este recordatorio y quiere que cada joven recuerde esta verdad.
Es fácil, aunque doloroso a veces, olvidar cuánto somos amadas y aceptadas por Dios como somos y por quienes somos. Esto no significa que seamos perfectas o que no tengamos que hacer cambios en nuestras vidas. Significa que aun siendo imperfectas, incluso cuando deseamos saber lo que Dios nos está pidiendo, el Autor de la Vida, nuestro amoroso Dios, nos mantiene en sus brazos amorosos.
Es bueno recordar esta verdad cuando nos perdemos en la confusión y las preguntas de la jornada del discernimiento. Tal vez nos sintamos que estamos eligiendo entre dos bienes o entre varias buenas opciones para nuestras vidas. Eso es porque asi es! El amor de Dios se manifiesta en la abundancia de opciones que tenemos ante nosotras.
Por más doloroso que sea el esfuerzo por saber o la lucha por elegir el camino correcto para nuestras vidas, puede ayudar en saber que durante el discernimiento, en cada punto del proceso, Dios nos ama y nos alienta.
Una vez que elegimos y hagamos nuestra decisión, ¡tenemos la libertad para darnos cuenta que la paz de Dios está allí con nosotras! Que experimentes la poderosa presencia de este amor al discernir tu llamado.
One of the keys to support ourselves during times of discernment is through prayer. That ability to be silent before God as a listener is as vital as picturing ourselves in the presence of a wise person. Ask a simple question at the start of prayer, “Loving One, what do you want me to do with my life?” Then, wait in silence to hear the response.
Asking a question similar to this one probably won’t be a one-time experience of asking and then hearing the response, because this (and others like it) is a profound question! It may take many times for us to hear, really tune in to how the response comes. In prayer and quiet time, we are preparing to receive something precious from the One who loves us.
Receptivity and openness, not attachment to a specific outcome, allows us to hear well. We may be surprised by how our response comes. It could be through an insight received during prayer, a seemingly accidental conversation with another person, going for a walk, fixing a meal, doing dishes, or taking a shower. The response may just show up and our heart will know “this is it.” If we don’t know the full answer to our question, we will know the next step to take.
Discerning is a journey, a pilgrimage, during which we discover clues along the paths we walk. We can feel joy and be assured that all the paths lead to the same end, connection with our God.
May you have patience and persistence walking this path,
Why is personal prayer so important? Watch this video.
El Camino de Escuchar
Una de las claves para sostenernos durante los tiempos de discernimiento es a través de la oración. Esa capacidad de guardar silencio ante Dios como oyente es tan vital como imaginarnos en presencia de una persona sabia. Haga una pregunta sencilla al comienzo de la oración: “Amado, ¿qué quieres que haga con mi vida?” Luego, espera en silencio para escuchar la respuesta.
Hacer esta pregunta probablemente no será una experiencia única de preguntar y luego escuchar la respuesta, ¡porque esta es una pregunta profunda! Puede que nos cueste muchas veces escuchar, realmente sintonizarnos en como llega la respuesta. En oración y en silencio, nos estamos preparando para recibir algo precioso de Aquel que nos ama. La receptividad y la sensibilidad, no el apego a un resultado específico, nos permite escuchar bien.
Nos puede sorprender cómo llega nuestra respuesta. Puede ser a través de una percepción recibida durante la oración, una conversación aparentemente accidental con otra persona, salir a caminar, preparar una comida, lavar los platos o tomar una ducha. La respuesta puede aparecer repentinamente y nuestro corazón sabrá que "esta es." Si no sabemos la respuesta completa a nuestra pregunta, sabremos el próximo paso a seguir.
Discernir es un viaje, un peregrinaje, durante el cual descubrimos señales a lo largo de los senderos que caminamos. Podemos sentir alegría y tener la seguridad de que nuestros caminos nos llevan al mismo fin, la conexión con nuestro Dios.
Que tengas paciencia y persistencia recorriendo el camino de escuchar,
¿Por qué es tan importante la oración personal? Vea.
Without a healthy self-love, there can be no love of God and neighbor. According to the Desert Fathers and Mothers of early Christian times, we cannot begin to learn how to love God and others without first learning how to claim for ourselves a self to do that loving. To many contemporary Christians, loving means that as Jesus sacrificed himself for others, so Christians must also in their everyday lives sacrifice their very selves for the sake of others.
While it is true that love requires self-giving and discipline to respond to the needs of family, friends, community and those we serve, it is misguided to think that love is of such a self-sacrificing nature that Christians ought not have a self at all. One sign that we lack a self is the feeling that our worth is determined by others’ approval or liking of us. If we are captive to the need for approval, we may well refuse to make the right decision we know is true to our convictions out of anxiety over what others may think of us. As Christians, we need to realize our intrinsic value as created in the image of God. Our true identity rests in God and our primary relationship is with God.
For this reason, the Desert Fathers and Mothers told their disciples to be like the dead when it comes to other people’s opinion:
A brother came to see Abba Macarius the Egyptian, and said to him, “Abba, give me a word, that I may be saved.” So the old man said, “Go to the cemetery and abuse the dead.” The brother went there, abused them and threw stones at them; then he returned and told the old man about it. The latter said to him, “Didn’t they say anything to you?” He replied, “No.” The old man said, “Go back tomorrow and praise them.” So the brother went away and praised them, calling them, “Apostles, saints, and righteous men.” He returned to the old man and said to him, “I have complimented them.” And the old man said to him, “Did they not answer you?” The brother said no. The old man said to him, “You know how you insulted them and they did not reply, and how you praised them and they did not speak; so you too if you wish to be saved must do the same and become a dead man. Like the dead, take no account of either the scorn of human beings or their praises, and you will be saved.”
The clear message in Macarius’ teaching is that if we are able to understand that our authentic identity is not linked to others’ evaluations of us, we are free to be our true self. Only then will we be able to respond to the call of Christ to love God and neighbor as self.
In this week between Thanksgiving and Advent, I thought I would share with you part of a Thanksgiving reflection given by our Sister Maria Goretti Browne, OP, that focuses on the sometimes hard work of practicing gratitude. Suffering is an unavoidable part of life and at times we need to lament and share our grief with others and with God. By embracing suffering in this way we can grow in our ability to love life unconditionally.
Sometimes, however, we may choose to intensify the difficulties of life by incessant complaining, stirring up resentments, nursing grudges and basically being a walking wet blanket. There is another more healthy option: gratitude. Research tells us that if we learn how to appreciate life in all its dimensions, we will feel better, be less prone to stress and sickness, sleep better, and live longer and healthier lives.
Sister Maria Goretti challenges us to give thanks in all circumstances of life. She recounts a rather extreme response of giving gratitude in the unbearable circumstances of war. She writes:
I read one time that during the war in Southeast Asia, there was a young Vietnamese boy who would sing as he worked in the rice fields, even as the bombs burst all around him. He explained that he could not stop the war, but he could keep the fear of death from overtaking his heart; he had to fight to be peaceful and happy inside while the horror and sadness of war swirled around him.
Maybe gratitude is an attitude. Most of us take very good care of our bodies, even try to walk – what is it – 10,000 steps? We practice each day, and eventually we will get to the 10,000 number. How about us practicing gratitude – Each day being more grateful than the day before, being more and more conscious of the blessings in our lives. Just look around. Thank God for our vocation, be it religious life, or married life, or single life; we are blessed with wonderful spouses or companions, wonderful co-workers, blessed with beautiful families, blessed with talents too many to enumerate, blessed with the ability to spread God’s love. Everywhere we look we see where we can spread that love and gratitude.
We know the account in Scripture of the three young men who were thrown into a fiery furnace. What’s the first thing they did? They broke into a song of praise and thanksgiving for all that God had made. Theirs was such an attitude of gratitude that their suffering was secondary. They danced among the flames unharmed (Daniel 3).
What about us? Do we find ways to give thanks to God in all circumstances?
Every good life choice is grounded in self-esteem. With self-esteem, we reverence and respect our own person as a gift of God. We are not trying to look or be like someone else. This brings to mind the familiar story from the Talmud about Akiba.
When Akiba was on his deathbed, he complained bitterly to his rabbi that he felt like a complete failure. The rabbi moved closer and asked why, and Akiba confessed: “I have not lived a life like Moses.” He then broke down in tears, admitting that he feared God’s judgment.
At this, the rabbi leaned into his ear and whispered gently, “God will not judge Akiba for not being Moses. God will judge Akiba for not being Akiba.”
With self-esteem, we embrace our true self with unconditional love. In turn, we make decisions that bring about our own flourishing and the betterment of our world.
As you reflect on important choices in your life, will the decisions you make reflect a careful attention to what nurtures your authentic self and brings the fullness of life God so wants to give you?
Young women discerning a call to religious life often ask if living a vow of celibacy means giving up their sexuality. I usually begin my response by saying that the vow of consecrated celibacy is a radical way of loving God, self, and others with our whole heart, mind, body, soul, and strength. God’s gift of self to me invites my mutual self-gift in return. In my personal response to God’s call, I commit myself totally to God to the exclusion of any other primary commitment to spouse, family, or projects. By living this vow I desire to embody with my life the profound truth that the multifaceted love of God satisfies the deepest longings of the human heart for a lifetime.
Celibacy clearly requires abstinence from genital sexual activity. In making this commitment to God, I freely and knowingly set limits on my human experience. I will never love and be loved as wife and mother. These important dimensions of my sexual identity I will never experience. Like any major life choice, my choice to live a life of consecrated celibacy involves legitimate suffering and letting go as well as joy and abundance. Anything of value comes at a high cost. My vow of celibacy, however, does not mean giving up my sexuality or my capacity to be creative.
The most fundamental aspect of human sexuality is our need for intimacy, our need to be lovingly related and connected to other human beings and to all of creation. As a celibate lover, my need for intimacy is as great as that of a married person. As Father Clark puts it, “Intimacy is as much a part of my sexuality as it is part of a married person’s. Human sexuality is about intimacy.”* Real intimacy requires a multiplicity of personal skills from self-esteem to compassion, caring presence, appropriate confiding, trust, loyalty, fidelity, as well as a number of skills for personal freedom. We learn to channel our sexuality into a broader way of loving. A celibate does not deny her sexuality; instead, she uses that God-given energy to love and serve generously.
*Keith Clark, Being Sexual…and Celibate, (Notre Dame, IN: Ave Maria Press, 1985), 30.
Do you ever struggle with being kind and compassionate toward yourself, especially in times of personal suffering? Even though one of the foundational pillars of Christian Spirituality is the love of self, we tend to be harsh and judgmental about our own flaws, failings, and limitations. In his teaching on friendship, the great Dominican theologian, Thomas Aquinas, asserts that since we are more closely united to ourselves than to any other person, all the good we desire for our loved ones, we most want for ourselves. Therefore, the heart of wisdom is to love and accept ourselves as our own best friend. This counsel suggests that when times are really tough and we are experiencing suffering, we give ourselves the patient caring and tenderness that we need.
Human development specialist, Dr. Kristen Neff, has developed what she calls a “self-compassion break.” This five-minute break in time of suffering consists of three main components. First, we must recognize that “this is a moment of suffering” and to speak gently to ourselves in naming our pain. She encourages us to say something like, “Sweetheart, this is really hard right now.” We then simply allow the difficulty to be present and we soften toward it. Second, she suggests that we remind ourselves that “suffering is a part of life.” Instead of feeling alone and cut off from the rest of the world, it is important to remind ourselves that suffering is a part of the human condition. Other people are suffering in a similar way as we are suffering. Third, we say, “May I be kind to myself in this moment.” We offer ourselves soothing and comfort with gentle kindness. She encourages us to put our hand on our heart and feel the care streaming through our fingers. See her website. Learning to love ourselves in this way enables us to love others; when we befriend ourselves, we can be true friends to others. Likewise, this friendship with ourselves also helps us to better open up to the friendship of Christ.
I invite readers to share in the comments:
What has helped you to love and accept yourself?
How has being a friend to yourself helped you be a friend to others?
How has being a friend to yourself helped you to be a better Christian?
Based on a reflection by Sister Joan Delaplane, OP
This past week, our Dominican community celebrated the Feast of St. Catherine of Siena (1347-1380). Catherine: Dominican preacher, teacher, healer, reconciler, writer, mystic, and all in a mere 33 years; first woman named as Doctor of the Church! A woman whose times were like our own in many ways: upheavals, insecurity, fear, wars, natural calamities, lost faith, and scandals in the Church. And how did our sister Catherine face these challenges? As Suzanne Nofke summarized it: “The Truth and Love that is God possessed her, and she laid her whole being on the line with his for the life of the world” (Catherine of Siena: Vision Through a Distant Eye. Collegeville, MN: Liturgical Press, 1996).
Yes, Catherine’s “mad lover” God was Truth and Love. As I reflected on Catherine and our own time, however, two phrases grabbed hold of me and wouldn’t let go: Truth of Love and Love of Truth. Catherine’s grounding in the Truth of Love, who is God, impelled her to take the love of truth to others. Perhaps you’ve seen the cover of Time magazine earlier this month: “Is Truth Dead?” Alternative facts and fake news seem acceptable; some don’t even care, or even echo Pilate: “What is truth?” It’s as though there’s a cloud over us, making it difficult to perceive the light of truth.
And what does this Truth of God’s Love look like? Jesus embodies the truth of God’s love as a caring, tender washing feet of those who had betrayed him, denied him and abandoned him. The Truth of God’s Love is a forgiving of those who had abused him, hated him, and left him to suffer the throes of an agonizing death. Jesus shows us the truth of God’s love as a trusting in God to be with him when all he felt was abandonment, pain, and the seeming failure of his mission. The Risen Christ shows us the Truth of God’s Love that transformed locked up, fearful disciples into fearless preachers speaking the truth in love.
Like those first disciples, Catherine heard Christ calling her to embody the Truth of Love in her world: “I need you to walk with two feet; love of God and love of all that God loves.” We, too, are called to be the Truth of Love for our world. Like the small groups of people who traveled this past weekend to walk on two feet in Washington, D.C. with others for love of the Truth of Climate Change. They will witness to the call of all people to be part of healing and preserving God’s beloved creation.
What are some of the ways that you will embody the Truth of Love and the Love of Truth? Let us know in the comments section what occurred to you in your reflection.
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Adrian Dominican Sisters
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Adrian, Michigan 49221-1793
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